Question: What is Brown and Sticky?

Answer: A stick

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Dexter

Dexter who?

Dexter Halls with boughs of holly.

What did Tom Brady learn from his car accident?

Not to tackle those left turns!

What is the difference between the Titanic and Madonna?
They know how many went down on the Titanic

Why is it so great to be a test tube baby?

You get a womb with a view!

How is a snow storm like a man?You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last!

Why Don't Amish people waterski?
The horses would drown.

One day My son and I were at Walmart waiting in line to pay for groceries. There was a very large woman waiting in front of us and while we were waiting a person walked out of the front doors with an item that wasn't scanned and the door beepers went off...Right away my son yelled "take cover dad she's backin' up!!!".....

An old man goes to his doctor and asks the doctor for a triple dose of Viagra. The doctor tells him it could kill him and wants to know why he would need a triple dose.The old man says he has his wife his mistress and his lover coming over. So the doctor gives him the triple dose.

The next day the man goes back to the doctor and has his arm in a sling. The doc asks him what happened and the old man says " No one showed up!"