Two Vietnamese refugees have just arrived in the United States and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, one of the refugees points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."

One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Ever think the hearing impaired are getting more information than the rest of us!
That's a lot of hand gestures for what they claim is being said!
So I asked my friend who is hearing impaired if this were true...
strange how he was able to give me all the information I needed with just one finger...

Lindsay Lohan is so dumb she left her AA meeting and rushed to the supermarket when she heard they were having a sale on Coke

Why is Justin Bieber so HOT?
His hair acts like a bio-dome trapping in all the warm air.

Good salesman

A young zealous boy wanted desperately to work at a department store. He approached the store manager who responded they needed no help. Quite persistent the boy returned again and again until the manager finally said "We're having a holiday sale tomorrow. Why don't you show up and you can give it a try." The elated boy returned the following day and proceeded to sell. At the end of the day the store manager called the youngster over and asked how he had done. The boy responded that he had sold $79083.50 worth of merchandise. The manager asked how he had done so well. The young man said "Well this guy was going fishing so I asked if he wanted some fish hooks he said sure That is $1.50. I asked if he had a nice fishing pole he said no so I got a graphite extension pole for $43.50. Do you have a nice reel not yet replied the customer... so I got him a nice quick release reel for $35.00. I asked here he was going fishing and he said Strawberry Reservoir. I told him the best places to catch fish are near the center "Do you have a boat?" The man said he didn't so I set him up with a nice outboard 30 foot cruiser for $28000.00. Then I asked if he had a trailer. He didn't so I got him a double axle trailer for $3000.00. Then I asked what he had to tow the boat. He only had a station wagon so I told him that just wouldn't do but we could get him a nice fully loaded Dodge Ram dually racked and packed with a tow package trailer hitch and everything for $48000.00. He wanted it all." As you can imagine the store manager was astounded. "And to think it all began with that man asking for a package of fish hooks?" The boy replied "Oh no it all began with him asking for some tampons which were $3.50 so I replied "Well you aren't going to be doing much else this weekend you might as well go fishing!"

Q: What is the German word for constipation?

A: Farfrompoopin

An old man goes to his doctor and asks the doctor for a triple dose of Viagra. The doctor tells him it could kill him and wants to know why he would need a triple dose.The old man says he has his wife his mistress and his lover coming over. So the doctor gives him the triple dose.

The next day the man goes back to the doctor and has his arm in a sling. The doc asks him what happened and the old man says " No one showed up!"

One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why I replied
"Well you still haven't used the gift I

Bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

Did you about the self portrait artist who stole his own work?

He was framed