Things that lawyer say that sound like Porn

1. Have you looked through her briefs?
2. He's one hard judge!
3. Counselor let's do it in chambers!
4. His attorney withdrew at the last minute!
5. Is it a penal offense?
6. Better leave the handcuffs on
7. For $200 an hour she better be good!
8. Can you get him to drop his suit?
9. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could!
10. Think you can get me off

A very unpopular but powerful lawyer died. Two of his "friends" saw the obituary notice and decided to go to his funeral. When they arrived they found the church very crowded. "My heavens!" said one. "Look at all these people. How do you explain it?"

"Well" said the other "Give people what they want and they will all show up

A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities along came two huge bears a male and a female. The lawyer seeing the two bears immediately dashed for cover. His friend though wasn't so lucky and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes tore into town as fast as he could and got the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough the two bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer pointing to the male while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears and without batting an eye leveled his gun took careful aim and shot the female. "What did you do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer "I said he was in the other!"

"Exactly" replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"

What does the tooth fairy give for half a tooth?

Nothing. She wants the tooth the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.

Q: Why won't sharks ever attack lawyers?

A: Professional courtesy