Jokes
He consulted the company doctor. "Doc" the frustrated commuter complained "I'm fine on the bridges in the traffic in the day and at night and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week long. But when I get in the tunnels and I've got those four other guys crowded around me in the car I get anxious and dizzy and feel like I'm going to explode."
Without further analysis the doctor announced he had identified the ailment.
"What is it Doc? Am I going insane?"
"No no no my boy. You have something very common in these parts. You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."
A: She wanted to fix the window PANE!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained 'Well doc it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand then with her left still nothing. She tried with her mouth first with the teeth in then with her teeth out still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen the lady next door and she tried too first with both hands then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied 'Yep none of us could get the jar open.'
"Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room."
"Tell him I can't see him now"
"Doctor, you told me I have only a month left to live and then you send me a huge bill for $3000! How the hell am I to pay that bill before the end of the month!?!"
"Okay, you have six months to live."
A blonde walks into a doctor's office with a confused look on her face.
In seeing the doctor, the blonde responds, "Doctor, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I hurt all over. If I touch my shoulder here, it hurts, and if I touch my leg her, it hurts, and if I touch my head right now, it hurts, and if I even touch my foot here, it hurts."
The Doctor looks at the blonde up and down and replies, "I believe you have broken your finger."
A guy goes to his doctor for a checkup and the doctor tells him, "I'm afraid I must operate right now"
- "What!" says the guy, "I feel fine!"
"It's really bad" says the doctor, "but I just checked you and you MUST have this operation and have it now. It is going to cost you forty-five thousand dollars."
- "Holy crap, I don't have that kind of dough!" says the guy
"It's okay" answers the doctor, "you don't have to pay it all at once. You can pay it in installments, about five hundred a month."
- "Oh" replies the guy, "like you're buying a car."
"Yes I am" says the doctor.
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't bother me too much... my farts never smell, and they're always quiet. But I've been doing it very often."
The doctor asks her to explain more, and the old lady says, "In fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You probably didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and they're silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.
"The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent..'stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."